Well with me

It is well with my soul. Oh, for so long I have desired to confess that and it be true. It is. But after no small bit of wrestling and submission...I give thanks that I am a well person, fighting back dis-ease for myself and others until the day and time and the ways of my faith bring the ultimate reclamation that I know is mine to enjoy.

6 months since my previous scan and lab tests, I received the jubilant endocrinologist’s assessment today congratulating me on another great report. A report no different than the last and with an MD’s encouragement to celebrate and live my life and to continue to pray. Wow on that, by the way! And so, I speak forth and believe for a mounting strength to ascend and continue the journey I have been blessed to experience. Excelsior!

While 2016 American Thyroid Association guidelines would now classify me as a successful patient only in need of active surveillance to make sure the contained nodule(s) stay dormant, unmoving, and unchanging based on a decade+ of studies in Korea and Japan corroborating this, I only found a semi-satisfaction that this way of healing I felt led to walk has now found me allies in a field that I fought against (and alone) for so long. But I know my journey continues as I reassess my perspective, future actions, and heart to reconcile the crucible of I AM but NOT YET. Even this in-between, in-progress place is well with me, but my goal of complete dissolution of what was once diagnosed as cancer has not yet come in black and white text that I could make my own ticker tape parade and party out of. And perhaps, I realize as I peer deep within, that is one reason why.

Just a week ago I sought my Lord God about why the full deployment of the new me and my new life God has been preparing for me is taking so much longer than I want or expected. His response in a deep intuitive impression was that one of His desires is to circumvent my tendency toward pride through discipline, achievement, accomplishment, and doings. Among the many quiet revelations I have been gifted during my prayerful healing journey, the one that has been the most difficult was being shown and told there is much more distance to go… and lot of that was in my innermost terrain. Self-sufficiency must bow to surrendering my all to the God I claim my life and faith comes from…this complete submission must be completely complete and then will my victory find me in the name of the one who is my Healer–Jehovah Rapha.

While I am not God, (obviously!) in this personal disappointment comes a special invitation to delight in what is happening and will happen as I allow my plans and timing to be given over to the God beyond time. I recall and refresh myself with His promises to take me through the darkness, solitary, underground tunnels with worthwhile treasures when I emerge to a table He has filled with goodness and bounty. I realize I am also invited to speak forth the truths that shall be if I withstand doubt and weariness and stand fast to my faith that the giants still squatting on the territories that are claimed by Christ as mine are simply great reminders that they will fall and I shall not see them again forever when the time of the Lord is mine as well. I am equipped to declare every lying symptom as wrong and rise in strength confidant God will have His way when all things, ALL things will be worked for my good and His glory… For now, I lay before my Maker saying your will; your way is well with me, resting on the song He sung over me years ago–that “this won’t be the first time you have overcome.” And God cannot tell a lie.

So as my thyroid specialist sweetly exhorted me to do… I shall continue to pray and confess that I am and will be in the less than 15% of thyroid cancer patients who exhibit complete disappearance of any trace of dis-ease and leaning into my beautiful Savior Jesus who makes not only eternal life available, but an abundant healthful and triumphant life available in the flesh upon this temporal earth. In my current understanding, this means I be with Him more which will prioritize what I will do and not do… and being a person who once took pride in doing all I can, for all people, all the time, the so-called “good” human part of me keeps fighting against the rest and reliance I know I am being groomed and seasoned in for greater things ahead which I do not yet know, but believe I will see…soon.

Taking my personal connection with God in Christ into my human day to day, I shall continue to pursue and partake in the endeavors that prosper my soul, like ballroom dance choreography performances, acting work, including a new stage play I am so blessed to be invited to as main cast, and show up in every place that I am most at peace with practicing a different modus operandi that hungers for an intimate, very reliant relationship where God’s preferences and plans are my pursuit and devotion. This continues to guide my new life since being healed of the worst, fearsome, and most crippling ailments by God’s undeniable divine encounter and kindly visitations.

All asian american female cast I am blessed to be part of!

I am hungry for nothing less than allowing a vast, loving, and most patient God to grow my patience, perseverance, and long suffering so that the best of who I am designed to be becomes free and far removed from trappings of pride–one of the most underestimated and silent saboteurs of a pure and excellent way of the heart. And that is the beginning of what is required to commune with the greatest gift and being of all: GOD–my beginning and end–with His in betweens with me now unveiling.

In a refreshed waiting with wisdom and growing discernment, walking with my beloved YHWH and Yeshua, I choose to invest in this invitation of eternal love in my every step upward and onward… knowing I thrive most when purposely championing others’ redemptive journeys. From Trials to Triumph…what a joy; what a calling; grateful for my beautiful life!

HUG N KISS DATE BOMBS

CHOCOLATE DIP FOR EXTERIOR

  • 1 cup cacao butter
  • 1 Tablspn coconut oil
  • 2 Tablspn coconut palm nectar (similar to maple syrup consistency) and 5 drops of monkfruit liquid drops (or either depending on your glycemic index intake considerations)
  • 1 dash Ceylon Cinnamon
  • 1 dash of fine Himalayan pink salt
  • 1 teaspoon of Vanilla extract (with no alcohol!)
  • 1 cup cacao powder
  • optional: 1 teaspoon of ground Ramon Seeds –unique, subtle flavor

…then the dates:

  • 25 whole medjool dates (pits removed…make sure no fragments, too!)
  • Tahini
  • Almond or your choice of nut butter
  • 1 pinch sea salt
  • 2 Tbsp unsweetened coconut shreds, sesame seeds, slivered almonds

What to do:

  1. Use double boiler to gradually melt the cacao butter
  2. Add rest of dip ingredients and whisk together
  3. Once melted, carefully remove bowl from heat (turn off stove top) and add the monkfruit liquid drops and/or coconut nectar (maple if you don’t have) and cacao powder. Make sure you mix until all well combined.
  4. Once melded together let sit if you have time off the heat. The cacao mixture needs to thicken before you dip the stuffed dates in it. Or you can pop in fridge and stir every couple minutes and take out when it becomes the right viscosity to dip the dates and cover nicely.
  5. Split the pitless medjool dates like an open hotdog bun making sure the date still stays intact and nice cut open. Fill half with unsweetened almond butter and the rest with tahini. (The squeeze dispenser for each from Thrive Market really made this part easier than using little spoons.)
  6. Don’t overfill since each date as to close up fully to dip and not have the filling bleed out of cacao covering layer.
  7. Prep your parchment or silicone baking sheet to place dipped dates upon to chill.
  8. Use little thongs to dip dates into cacao mixture, tap off excess, and place on your baking sheet. Sprinkle with coconut shreds and sesame seeds for the tahini filled ones and place almond slice atop almond butter filled dates. One is the hug and the other is the kiss… they really do make a lovely pair together…subtle, complementary tastes.
  9. Freeze them and pull out 20 minutes or so before serving. It’s hard to keep from eating them all, but the motivation to do so is — they do make really adorable gifts!

Dang good Vegan Mozzarella

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup Indonesian raw cashews (soaked in filter water 8 hours) or you can just skip this and just boil water and pour atop and let sit for 10 minutes.
  • 2 cups water
  • 2 Tblspn lemon juice (1 small/medium lemon organic only!)
  • 2 Tblspn apple cider vinegar or you can try coconut vinegar
  • 8 Tblspn tapioca starch
  • 1 heaping Tablespn finely powdered nutritional yeast
  • 1/2 to 1 teaspoon Himalayan salt depending on your sodium tolerance

What to do:

  • Soak Cashews in filtered water 8 hours (for a Bechamel style sauce) or quick hot water method mentioned in ingredients (for thicker mozzarella like consistency.)
  • Drain the cashews, and add them to a blender along with 2.5 cups of filtered water, lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, nutritional yeast, salt and tapioca starch. Blend until very super smooth until no lumps! Watery consistency is good.
  • Pour the watery mixture into a small saucepan and bring the heat to medium. Stir with a spatula or spoon.
  • It will begin to get clumpy. Keep stirring, constantly until suddenly it will become super gooey, stretchy, thick and smooth. Take off heat as soon as it begins to form into one big mass of soft stretchy “cheez.”
  • Make prior to knowing how you want to use it… I love it atop pizza before you bake it… or atop lasagna. It will spread best when freshly made.
  • THIS WOULD BE GREAT TO HAVE KIDS TRY AND EXPLAIN THE SUSTAINABILITY AND HEALTH VALUE OF AVOIDING FACTORY FARMED ANIMAL PRODUCTS AND THE HEALTH VALUE OF PLANTS OVER THE OVERUSE OF DAILY 🙂 Use for simple grilled “cheez” with vegan keto bread… or plop and press down into your pizza slice or spread all over your lasagna as a last step of cooking…
  • You can just form and broil a clump of the “cheez” by spraying some olive oil evenly over it and brown by broiling 5-7 minutes.
  • Note: for the Bechamel style mentioned above, add a dash of nutmeg and black pepper and definitely a full teaspoon of salt.
  • Inspired by NoraCooks!

Balancing. And Beyond.

First affirmed, and rather vindicated early in the day, other news brings me to surrender wider in balancing the victorious uplift while drooping with a heavy heart.

While a health skirmish encompassed much of my last 2 years, I never thought it was a grave concern as I knew there was a larger causative giant to be felled with cancer just a symptomatic side effect. Still, a fight was had and it had me going round after round after round. And in the first year, I was fortunate for a key fight corner crew mate who helped guide my steps toward the success I achieved. Naturopathic, complementary, and conventional spheres of medicine have declared my cancer of no concern and at the least under “control.Yes, there is a some remnant remaining, but it has not moved or grown in any significant way for long enough for one very well respected, long-standing specialist in his field to celebrate that he, too, is not worried about the cancer, urging me to “enjoy life” and keep “trusting God.” He also added that I don’t need to keep seeing doctors. He wasn’t humoring me, but it was rather humorous and quite sweet. While I didn’t jubilate with him because my focus has always been and continues to be the root cause, the news I received after his congratulatory words of how “I should be proud of my body and feel good about my life” took on gut-wrenching meaning due to an unexpected turn in my day.

One of the people I would have shared this news with…someone who has helped so many, including me, fight chronic health battles with dignity, strength, and tenderness…a stalwart and key asset in terrorizing sickness with self-healing supportive protocols…died. So suddenly. Biochemist and beloved herbalist Jeff Sherman died doing something he enjoyed, yes, but hiking in the great outdoors during too hot a time, with inadequate hydration, and futile calls for help. He was on my mind to reach out to later in the week…but the detachment of the mass email notifying his wellness clinic clients and friends blurred my focus.

And I remembered all the times and kindness he poured into me and compassion that made me feel alive and heard and my heart just fell. I cannot imagine all the souls he heartened and human bodies that have found new vitality because of his unique approach to wellness…and I grew even more sobered by the thought that his healing help would be so missed by many, particularly those who had not yet had the privilege of his restorative repertoire. He championed a way forward for every individual he could make time to care for. I’m deeply grateful and honor his legacy, part of which is me…as I am more well and whole because he lived so fully committed to helping others heal. He loved well and truly. Thank you Jeff Sherman. (www.tofwb.net) God blessed me greatly in knowing you.

Jeff, you were such a huge help and support. You helped get me to my 1st all clear of cancer… your electro-dermal and other cutting edge tests showed no malignancy last summer and it took another year to get conventional doctor to say today I should celebrate that I am in the 15 percent of thyroid cancer patients who show no further and dangerous growth. It is truly a bittersweet day.

Black Bean Brownies with rich benefits!

  • INGREDIENTS:
  • 10 oz can black beans, drained and rinsed.
  • 1/2 cup almond butter (or macadamia or cashew butter)
  • 1/3 cup date paste (moistened with water to help mix)
  • 2 flax eggs
  • 1/4 cup fine almond flour
  • 1/4 cup cocoa powder
  • 1/4 raw cacao
  • 1/4 cup blackstrap molasses (about 4 flowing Tablespoons)
  • 2 Tablespoons melted coconut oil
  • 2 Tablespoons vanilla extract
  • 1 Tablespoon vanilla bean paste (optional)
  • 1/4 tsp baking soda
  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • fine salt grater to add fine powder to top
  • 2 Tablespoons of water to use in food processor to help mix
  • 3/4 cup chocolate chips (with stevia or other lightly sweetened only versions)
  • OPTIONAL–for sweet tooths–omit date paste, increase black beans to be 15-16oz (or 1 full drained can), and replace molasses with 1/4 monkfruit granules… but using something like coconut palm sugar would make it most like a normal brownie. My version with above listed ingredients are for non-sweet-tooths and it is quite satisfying!

WHAT TO DO :

  1. Put all wet ingredients in first and slowly incorporate dry ingredients in gradually as food processor makes it in to a thick, smooth batter.
  2. Spoon and level batter into a baking pan…8×10 would be best as dates make this brownie rise a bit… but 8×8 would be fine, too
  3. Mix chips into top third of the batter
  4. add fine freshly grated salt powder to top of prepared batter to bake
  5. bake for 25 minutes at 350 degrees…. check if ready with a toothpick.
  6. Enjoy with nice-cream on top as a nourishing dessert snack.

WHY organic, unsulphured MOLASSES? It offers minerals that are enriching…iron, potassium, B6, and calcium…as well as an earthy caramelly old-world flavor that is deeper than just simple sweeteners. I believe every ingredient should have a body-blessing-benefit!

Carrot (Cake) Blondie Bar Vegan & GF

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1/8 pineapple chopped well in food processor
  • 3/4 cup date paste
  • 2 flax eggs (2 Tablespoons ground flax with 6 Tablespoons on preferred non dairy mylk)
  • 1/2 cup coconut oil (I like Dr. Bronner’s)
  • 2 Tablespoons of vanilla extract
  • 3/4 cup fine almond flour
  • 1/3 cup tiger nut or oat flour
  • 1 tsp. baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp. Himalayan Pink Salt
  • 1/2 tsp. all spice
  • 1/4 tsp. nutmeg
  • 1 Tablespoon Ceylon Cinnamon
  • 1 1/2 cup shredded carrots
  • 1 1/2 cup walnuts and/or pecans
  • 1/4 cup raisins (golden ones might be fun!)
  • FROSTING INGREDIENTS:
  • 1 cup soaked Indonesian cashews
  • 1 cup warmed/soften coconut manna
  • 1/2 of coconut mylk cream (1/2 of the thickened cream from chilled coconut mylk in full-fat can)
  • 6 drops of Lakanto or oth.monkfruit (liquid stevia if you don’t have)
  • 1 Tablespoon vanilla extract
Mixture is now ready to put in baking pan!

WHAT TO DO:

  1. Mix wet ingredients : pineapple, date paste, flax eggs, coconut oil, vanilla extract
  2. Add flours, baking powder, salt, all spice, nutmeg, cinnamon and mix in mixer stand
  3. Toss in carrots, then nuts, and raisins and mix a bit more.
  4. Prepare 9×9 pan and fill with thick, moist mixture
  5. Bake 40 minutes at 350 degrees
  6. Let cool
  7. After blondie bar is cooled, put the frosting ingredients in a food processor until smooth…and smooth on top of blondie.
  8. Cool in fridge and cut into bars… these have dense, chewy, but textured consistency like a brownie, but it’s a carrot blondie for those times when I get a craving for Carrot Cake– this is a vegan, whole-food option to enjoy.
close up of cross section when cutting up into bars

6. GRITTY DAY-TO-DAY TO-DOs with JOY! Resurrection Every Day!~

Cycles of life, death, and resurrection are ever-present in me and in all life. And in this I celebrate by giving fully of all of me while surrendering totally to the process designed by the One who made me and all of what we see and don’t. I have unwittingly come to know fear quite well and what it takes to face it and choose to trust that my fallings are not failings. Furthermore, I have come to know and trust and choose faith–that in My Abba Father’s hands and plans, my lows are prophetic toward the highs coming based on perseverent pursuits of the promises of goodness and triumph secured by Christ’s completed mission He has given to me continue. And so I shall, empowered by a greater love and life than I could with within me alone. It’s not a simple pat of “do it afraid”… to me, it’s more a matter of being more certain of the why I must rise again and again and in the process fear will flee from me.


Jesus’ complete mission, you ask? It’s his Resurrection Power I get to make real — something I meditate to take in as my own daily. In reflecting upon the magnitude of the eternity-changing-reality. my knees buckle with joy. It’s true. In the secret places I get to hang out with El Elyon The most High G-D, I am not only stilled silent, but sometimes get a giddy feel-good grace that effervesces throughly (not thorougly, but throughly.) I have grown to recognize that my trials and crises have not molded and defined me. Rather, in laying wide open to God’s guidance through the wilderness, His ever-present being and implanted identity in me through the seed of Christ has made me like Jesus and more like him in time and by joint intentionality.

Many have asked me why I just didn’t get “rid of the “problem” and use radiation or surgery. It was often not worth answering because no one knows clearer than the One who made me what the most urgent, life-threatening, or worst problem was in my life that a cancer diagnosis may just by sounding alarms to bring attention to. Besides, G-D is the best surgeon and I believed that He could resolve and/or remove any “problem” and leave the adjoining, healthy life to thrive. Only He could best divide as finely as between soul and spirit as well as between bone and marrow (Hebrews 4:12) and it is in that fine of a wisdom and discernment I wanted to rest to be restored. All in His Time. And I’m blessed to believe and receive the intangible and then palpable Spirit-kissed Resurrection this day and every day. And now, a present-look at a part of my healing journey not too far past.

When many of us get a diagnosis of some unwanted kind, like cancer, most of us, me, included, wanted an action plan to tackle and take down the offender. While I share in this blog entry the entirety of my bullet points of what I did on a day to day basis and how it changed every few weeks or months, it is not a whole picture, so it one that can be informative or paralyzing. It really depends on where you are at in helping yourself or a loved one heal… The most important thing I learned is to get grounded within and quiet enough to really hear. For me, I needed to hear the quiet leading of my God through it all and sometimes I did and other times my humanness in its fallibility and desperation overruled that essential and often elusive place and position of being God’s beloved one held in Shalom. Sometimes that uphill climb to the mountaintop is a long, windy one, but one step at a time, right? I hope the document included in this post offers some help to your healing. Thank God for grace; I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS!

The goal in the first wave of self-administered therapies and radical changes was to make cancer cells commit suicide (apoptosis) and reset the landscape of my entire body to make it hospitable for proper life to be able to grow and flourish making it uninhabitable for confused and unhealthy versions of cells.

The attached .PDF document gives you just the bare bones of the all-out war against and for the two sides of life in my physical body. It is a lot to take in as it was a lot to do, but the deeper, necessary work did not come until I realized it would not be by my striving or force of will through which I would heal, but accepting the process by which I must journey to allow what is good and only good to remain. Much of the early steps outlined that I took were superficial in that light, but necessary to begin the growth and self-maturation process with gusto and drive. With great determination comes greater disappointments…and the deepest reckonings necessary to progress. This journey…particularly fraught by this reality in its beginnings.

So, back to some nuts and bolts. You know now that a water fast was my 1st drastic decision, then going totally vegan, gluten-free, and eating only whole foods I could recognize from the good soil of our Earth… and then came a RAW FOOD only month to detox and reset my body even more. That was challenging, delicious, hellish, isolating, yet empowering… but since much of this journey is deliberate and by fully conscious choosing, setting up a reward system is quite valuable. I got child-like about it and was good to myself … I gave myself a happy-face each night for a day of raw food only eating. It made me feel good to see all the smiles as I stood strong each day knowing I was doing my body good. I still love seeing this pasted on the interior of a kitchen cabinet door.

I caution you, though, not to just study this attached document and replicate parts of it in a vacuum. There is no formula and a healing process is so personal, it is as inextricable as the very breath of God given each of us. So, as you peruse the .PDF document, you will find some added journaling to mark the milestone moments along the way… MAKE SURE YOU NOTICE THAT CHANGES MADE EVERY FEW WEEKS AND MONTHS AS IT WAS DIRECTED BY WHAT I INTUITIVELY FELT I NEEDED OR SPECIFICALLY WAS TOLD MY BODY NEED PER MY BIOCHEMIST’S BODY SYSTEM READINGS. All the choices are to support life and naturally. Remember that our bodies are always changing and need to be addressed as a dynamic organism …and with great care!

After writing about a few more major big deal action items that I felt I needed to incorporate, I’ll begin to share why I went to a clinic in Mexico #HOPE4CANCERCANCUN to get holistic treatments and additional help… I committed to a larger facility for help even after some tests from a biochemist showed I no longer had malignancy readings on his tests. Lots of reasons for that.

Hope this nitty gritty daily list (of lists) of my round-the-clock healing regimens offers some direction and understanding that this approach of allowing one’s body to heal while disabled mechanisms that fuel chronic disease takes a willingness to change everything radically and never look back–no matter how long it takes.