Happy Easter this Resurrection weekend…!   Do you ever experience something or have feelings you could have others feel for themselves?  I feel that way most acutely this day… my juice fast of 30 days is now broken…and I am free…

As I sat dwelling upon the past month of discoveries and revelations ushered in by a most loving Heavenly Father, I am humbled joyful and amazed.  I learned how much He cares about me, how every step I take and hope to make He has already  thought about and offers to lead me the best way, even showing me during this fast where my body was in need nutritionally through dreams in the night.  Remarkable.  This juicing journey was a deliberate fast undertaken to break bonds that tied me to a comfortability in habits and routines that serve nothing but gluttony and self-consciousness.   Thus, it was not always easy, but the release from them and unto greater liberty is incomparable to the discomfort–not even worth a categorical mention.  The simplest profundity in all of this is truly embracing OH, HOW LITTLE I TRULY NEED … AND THAT IN WALKING WITH HIM, I AM FULLY SATISFIED… in every way.

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After a predawn quiet-time, I shared my first meal with the One who led me through the past month.  Grateful, confidant, hopeful, more fearless than I have been in after many years of great trials and illness, I sat pondering about His goodness, might, mercy, and promises and we broke bread.  The, scored, toasted/burnt, unleavened kind–matzo symbolic of Jesus’ stripes with berry juice in lieu of wine.  This is the greatest blessing of all… the promise of peace offered, the wholeness left up to me to accept. This communion alone with Him was different–more special somehow in that it was the first food I had in a while that was sheerly for spiritual nourishment and in being able to really hone in on what this “bread” symbolized, it was a really a beautiful partaking.  A meal most uncommon as mentioned above.  I cherished  honoring Christ’s finished work as the “substance” lamb who is the passover-everlasting. As is my right as a child of G-d, I received wholeheartedly the infusion of the incorruptible life of Yeshua in me!

As I pondered how the blood in the heart of my Jesus drained out, I understood how he literally poured out his heart, his thoughts, his very soul into mine so that through his love, I can be and am as he is now–in glorious victory and triumph over all oppressiveness.  I am free…free…free indeed!  AM I; IS MY FAITH EXTREME?  YES… AND I AM EXTREMELY BLESSED!

In brief, my physical body feels stronger– I am lighter upon my feet, feeling more energetic, thinking more clearly…I even had the lightest p.m.s. and menstrual cycle in years with no pain or cramping.  Yes, I have lost a couple pounds, so not much at all really.  One might expect more, but all the essential fatty acids I took in kept my body in a healthy balance.  Plus, weight loss was NOT the point, nor objective–I had faith that what my body needed to reboot and heal would be facilitated during the process.  Just the bodily changes listed above testifies to that, but the emotional and mental clarity, soundness, and buoyant optimism outweighs the measurable, physical benefits…  Even my marriage has gone through a surprising distillation process, a purging of sorts…we feel relationally renewed and free to love unhindered and wiser in our togetherness.

Then, of course, is the spiritual growth.  How do I even begin?    Hearing my Father’s whispers and seeing what He needs me to know…prayers for loved ones answered, shackles broken off of my beloved friends and family evidenced by breakthrough jobs, financial assistance, and priceless hope… how do I even begin to count the ways and the blessings that have invaded my world?  I cannot … so I urge you to find the journey you are to take into a deeper oneness with the One who created all and is my all in all.

As I try to remember this, I share something I have just realized myself… that God and His supernaturalness does not necessitate any dramatic fashions, but is most often purely simple and so truly sweet.



It is a bittersweet day… I don’t want to stop yet I know all wonderful seasons have to transition onto the next…  I had no idea this juicing discipline would unlock so many freedoms.  As I sat and mulled over the significance of this weekend, the word and promise of peace rang through to me… In Hebrew, it is Shalom— and it means in essence: nothing lacking, nothing missing, nothing broken–wholly blessed and complete.  I accept and embrace that– I have certainly come a long way this past month and feel better than I have in years!!!!

To reiterate the sense of newness and calm assurance I was feeling, I got a spark of memory about something I noticed yesterday.  There was a plant that had been sitting for over a year in front of our complex and as I first step toward cleaning up the area, I moved the bit ol’ clay pot with the dead shrub outside where other living plants were…  It was dry, brown, brittle, and very sad looking.  As I walked past it, I saw that is had sprouted a green leaf.  Shocked, I looked again… it had sprouted handful of green leaves!  LIFE where in the very place I saw nothing but death; newness in the very thing I perceived worthless and discardable.  The message in that bubbled in me and warmed my soul’s core… Thank you  –thank you God!   I went about the rest of this final juicing day with joy and fullness, despite a fitful sleep.

...to LIFE!

…to LIFE!

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And even for the endless tossing and turning, the good I reaped was truly heaven-sent and something to increase my depth of compassion.  As I fought to relax and fall into slumber, the thought crossed my mind that this must be an inkling of how God felt as He awaited for 3 whole earthly days and night before He rushed to reclaim His only begotten Son back into life…and this time forevermore!   I know that when I miss someone that much, I can hardly wait to be reunited… the expansiveness of how that must have been for my Abba Father really moved me.  This realization deepened the significance of the evening and the day in which I really wanted to  be mindful of this eternal reality I call my own.   Then, I packed up my juices and went to a meeting with my dear husby…

After a production meeting, I finished up some dishes for Easter supper with my folks tomorrow.  I am a bit concerned to be honest since I am not eating as I go along… I don’t know how things are tasting.  I take whiffs, but my confidence in my sense of smell is not that great…  I figure I’ll wake up early and taste tomorrow after my first official meal.  I decided I would break bread (matzo) in a quiet place in prayer.

The dishes I made are: parsnip, leek, potato soup (I suspect the parsnips are too plentiful, so it may come out too sweet), a glazed sweet potato “salad” that will be served cold with julienned fennel bulb, raisin, and parsley, and a toasted cauliflower side with the greens of the leeks and carrots in a coriander spice–I may make a creamy garlic dressing for this if the flavors are not melded well by the morning.

For myself, I am making a mishmosh tomato soup to ease back into solid foods… as I realize I am phasing out of a regimen meant to surrender me to the greater realities outside my fleshy needs, I love the growth and unshakable awareness.  I feel like nothing is impossible and that I can do all that I am called to do while intangible, that strength within is beyond invaluable to me and for that which I am in constant pursuit– a greater me able to fulfill a grander purpose.

No-Finger-Lickin’. GOOD! Day 29! :)

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See this?  After an amazing time of quiet, journaling, prayer, and sweet music, my Good Friday got off to a bang!  It turns out it is the birthdays of two gal friends… so when seeking inspiration, I was moved to make these!2013-03-29 08.33.33

 Hand-dipped organic black mission figs in dark belgian chocolate dusted with ceylon cinnamon and the other half dusted with cocoa-cayenne. oooooo… can you say that again?! oooooo…. AND… as I said yesterday, I need/want to stop licking my fingers after assembling things in the kitchen…(horrible mindless munching ensures typically) wahoo– NO finger-lickin’ today!  I was not even tempted…although my mindlessness almost got the best of me, my conscious choice prevailed.  It is true that the giver gets blessed back… and I got to prove to myself I broke another bad habit!  I love how cute the little treats turned out...  I made two extra for myself to have on Easter Sunday. 🙂  I do hope Karina and Elina enjoy their goodies.  Making something, beating a bad habit in the process, and then gifting homespun love…*sigh–there are few natural highs that beat the gift of giving to others.. I am so blessed and happy!

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I am so energized from this season of fasting…. I am loving life and loving the joys I am claiming as my own without apology!  I did 45 min of yoga, an infrared session…laundry, made my dog food, going to go food shopping and start cooking for this weekend…and have a date night with my husby (hopefully, if he can spare some time from his production deadlines.).

And you know what?!  … I just noticed, I am not as queasy from the Nektar juices.  They still don’t taste as great as others, but at least I am not nauseous!! LOL

I am still amazed at how I did not dive in and eat my gals’ birthday gifts.  Seriously, when I make treats for others I always double the recipe because I end up eating 1/3 of it to “taste test”… I guess my gal pals are my guinea pigs today.  At least I can vouch for how cute they look. Right?!  ...even NOT eating chocolate release endorphins it seems!

2013-03-29 08.50.17Last day on my juicing journey tomorrow…

DAY 28. As of 6pm–A very Good Friday has started, indeed…

oooooover the midweek hump-yeay!  I was exhausted today, however… long day at the hospital yesterday wiped me out.  Good news is that dad is recovering well at home 🙂

Was feeling ick…really just wanted to eat something soft and decadent… even a banana with yogurt or apples with raw honey and cinnamon sounded so dreamy…  I did do an infrared session, so at least that was warm and comforting.  Happy to say my former reflex to just pick up various foods when I am prepping in the kitchen and shove them into my mouth has gone…although I did lick my fingers of various liquids–should discard that habit, too.  Note to self– This is a journey…not a destination.

I was telling my husby last night that even the “advanced” Nektar cleanse juices are for juice-newbies… not dense enough in my taste for nutrition-packed liquids.  What sufficed the first week of this juice fast just is not cutting it during this final week.  I need more goods–so I put spirulina in their lemon drink and lots of other barley grass and carrot powder from HAcres.com in their green drinks.   Plus, they just taste flat in contrast to the home-slow-pressed juices and those I have purchased from cold-pressing juice stores–these Nektar juices almost make me nauseous…and the added stevia or agave in some of the cleanse juices doesn’t help.  It’s just too sweet and conflicts with the natural goodness of the juices.  Ah well… I’ll grin and bear it the next couple days and just keep jazzing them up with my own additions and making some of my own that I can look forward to!  I have to admit, though, that my dissatisfaction with this week’s juices have to do with that fact I am “over” having liquids and could really use some stuff to eat at this point.   Regardless, when I make my own, they do certainly taste and make me feel better…

Just pressed some pineapple juice (delish!)…and a concoction of melons, basil, & lemon… I am looking forward to the melon soother in a bit.

One thing I am excited about is the big order I just put in at luckyvitamin.com .  My Vega powders, and raw hemp with maca and E3live are priced nicely there and when I went through their special sales sections, I found tons of great bargains including many of my favorite raw food snacks at 2/3rds of their regular cost.  Plus, I ordered enough to get free shipping! So, a treat for my slow and deliberate chewing satisfaction next week!… or whenever it gets here…  I really miss my own homemade raw granola… *sigh.

With all the missing of food going on today, it did help me focus on the point of this fast–to pray and become better acquainted with God and He jogged my thoughts to the place of the letter X.  In thinking of all the ways I could describe Him through the English alphabet, I was drawing nothing on the letter x but plays on “x” (i.e. x-cellent). Then the simplicity of that unfolded into an expansive wonderful knowing… I GOT IT!  

X– stands for the power of multiplication, magnification.  It also designates a choice I make, can show the destination I wish to arrive at, and can mean an elimination of unwanted things.  There is that thing called the x-factor–the inexplicable something special that has the power to propel the ordinary into a new dimension.  Not to mention “x” can stand for the cross…like  “cross my heart,”….(not hope to die, though) because as I promise and pledge my heart to be renewed by Him, He has so lovingly made me His for always and evermore…  And my achey cravings become supplanted by an eternal satiation.  What peace!

A blessed Resurrection season is here!

(in Biblical reckoning, 6pm is the time the new day begins…)

I am “princess.” LOL! …but, seriously…this is DAY 27

I am & am becoming who I have been created to be

While I was preparing my hot water with lemon and ginger, I suddenly got an itch to do this! …fridge fun!

As I am living the final days of my juicing journey, I have felt a surging return to my can-do perspective on life…that nothing is too hard, nothing impossible.  It’s a minor, yet profound shift founded on a deepening faith forged over the last month of trials and moments of decisive triumphs.  So, I felt unashamed in claiming these adjectives as descriptions of who I am, who I have been created to be…and knowing above all that the journey there is never-ending until the trumpets sound at the fullness of time.

The benefits of this month long fresh, enzymatically-alive-only-juice-fasting journey are inexplicable…but I will try to write down some tangible effects have noticed and enjoyed after the next few days.  Each morning, I am awakening early to have my quiet moments, journal-time, and convo with my Heavenly dad…and I am so refreshed and energized all day and feeling so free in my heart and body as I could have only imagined would happen when this all started. “I shall walk in liberty for I seek thy precepts”–that Psalm was a founding verse for me…and that promise has been kept many times over. There is so much freedom within me…a peace and strength I would not have known otherwise.  More on these reflections another time… it all just flowed there for a sec….

Back to that cool little photo with Korean gal magnet… she looks timid and reserved, but it’s because the power within her needs no grand gesture, nor further affirmation… she is centered, purposeful, at peace, and prepared for the days ahead.  The adjectives are as much an ownership as impetus to go deeper and become fuller in those areas.  As if I needed confirmation on this, my reading for this morning had this quote:

“I HAVE MARKED YOU FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW YOU ARE MINE… Grace will always follow you everywhere you go. Now you are needed, wanted, valuable, & indispensable.  You are marked by my love.  Everyone in heaven, earth, underneath it will know it.  Now your name will carry my honor.”–Letters from God.

Just another thought on quote–Relationship necessitates need…and I am not ashamed to say I need God… I need my husband, my family, and my friends…and I want to be as essential and giving to them as I will more richly enjoy what I receive from them.

I’ve had my lovely gingered hot water, my barley greens and greens juice this morning and I am packing up all my juices to go to see my dad in the hospital as he is having a hernia corrected today.   His body is getting well and fixed up for all the wondrous things that lie ahead for our family…the blessings and pleasures rained down from heaven.

love my liver! DAY 26

So, I am adding one final cleansing touch to this last week of juice fasting… a liver detox!2013-03-26 05.49.40

I have a bit of the liver drop left from a cleanse a year ago (from Aster Elliot–an awesome holistic nutritionist)…and I learned that a concoction of unsweetened cranberry juice, turmeric, and apple cider vinegar is a holistic way to clean my liver… tart tart tart! Get ready to pucker on this one!

This week I am doing Nektar’s 5-day juice cleanse but adding my own things like chia in fresh citrus in the mornings and doing a hemp/flax protein shake in the afternoon… I need my protein! 🙂  …and I need my fat, too!  It keeps my adrenals from going kookoo with the natural sugar spike some juices can have, plus it prevents my body from thinking it’s in starvation mode, which would cause very unhappy consequences once I start chewing solid foods this Sunday.    Sooo… I have been taking in lots of EFAs…chia, flax, hemp, and blending in a spoon of avocado into my green juices on nights where I feel a bit jittery and need my body to chill.  Other nights, I’ve just had some fresh nut mylk which has a similar effect, but I prefer lysine over arginine heavy foods.

I am in disbelief– after Wednesday, I will be in the homestretch of this cleansing fast… I don’t know how it went by so fast!

Casting away unbelief

One of my dear besties sent me this knowing one of the things I am seeking through this juice fast is complete wholeness and restoration.  The vibrant health I once knew has eluded me the last several years with a myriad of odd diagnoses, but all I know is that during this fast where I am seeking the only One who can truly heal, I have begun to uncover a youthful glow and an energetic vibrancy again…  Thus proving to myself (as well as proving God as He asks us to) that our bodies were created to be self-healing mechanisms!

This is a great article from an account in scripture I have loved…  Thank you to Margaret!

The Woman Who Touched Jesus Mark 5:25-34

Liz Curtis Higgs
If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed (Mark 5:28). That’s what she told herself, this nameless, bleeding woman who’d traveled 30 miles, fueled by nothing but faith.

It was a daring plan. According to Mosaic Law, women who were ceremonially unclean weren’t allowed to touch anyone, let alone the Son of God. But desperate women do desperate things. For 12 long years blood had flowed from her body, making her physically sick and socially unacceptable.

Desperation and Determination

The physicians of her time were unable to relieve her suffering. She “spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse” (Mark 5:26). Some of us have been there, dealing with a prolonged illness or stubborn medical condition. It’s frustrating, even embarrassing, to keep going to the doctor, only to return home with an expensive prescription, yet little hope.

The true miracle in this story is what remained healthy: her faith. Her willingness to believe she could be well again, despite all evidence to the contrary. When she heard about a man who’d “healed many who had various diseases” (Mark 1:34), she made a beeline for Capernaum.

After a 30-mile journey, I would have thrown myself in his path, begging him to help me. Instead our bleeding sister quietly “came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak” (Mark 5:27).

By law, her touch would have made him unclean. By grace, just the opposite happened. “Immediately her bleeding stopped” (Mark 5:29). Without a word, a look, or a touch fromJesus, she was made whole simply by believing he could heal her—and daring to act on that belief.

A Stolen Miracle

When her faith was rewarded, she wasn’t the only one who noticed. “He turned around in the crowd and asked, ‘Who touched my clothes?'” (Mark 5:30). How her heart must have pounded. She’d just stolen a miracle!

When the disciples pointed out that many in the crowded street were touching him, “Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it” (Mark 5:32). He wasn’t looking to accuse but to affirm.

The same faith that empowered her to stretch out her hand now gave her the strength tostep forward. She “fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth” (Mark 5:33).

She risked everything—public humiliation, if not punishment—to make her confession of faith, explaining to the crowd “why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed” (Luke 8:47).


With a single word from Jesus, 12 years of pain and isolation were swept away: “Daughter … ” (Mark 5:34). In no other gospel account does Jesus use this term of endearment and respect. Daughter. She was a member of the family now, restored to her community, setting an example for others who “begged him to let them touch even the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed” (Mark 6:56).

This woman literally put feet to her faith: traveling to Capernaum, reaching out to touch Jesus’ garment, and walking forward at his invitation. By faith, we too can go first in our families, in our workplaces, and in our circles of influence, stepping forward to proclaim, “There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole.”

I went kookoo

Today was my last day at Margie Haber’s ongoing for a few months.  I have a couple projects coming up and I needed some downtime to refocus and divert my energies…

I don’t know if it was my focus on quiet time in the morning where I just dwelled in a peaceful place until my heart was bubbling over with joy or if it was the month long juice fast (day 25 today) that has cleared out all sorts of thoughts and emotions, but I went kookoo in class!  And it was great! I was overjoyed that getting the words down was not a problem in terms of recollection, but even more so that I gave myself the freedom to just be waaaaaaaayyy out there and not limit myself in physicality or from weird behaviors. That is not my M.O. and has been super tough for me.  Just to illustrate– Margie made me shout in my first class with her, “F*** it” over and over and over (as previous acting coaches have before her to break me from my ingrained decorum.) Today was the day I did that…and gleefully.

What is remarkable is that the sour-puss self-critic did not surface… I was okay with it and still feel great about it!  Even after seeing on tape how awful being that unhinged and out there appeared, I was pleased with myself for not trying to be “perfect.”  I just wanted to see what un-composed and raw looked and felt like.  It was actually good for me to see what does not work in terms of bookability, but I also got something else accomplished by doing so.  You see, I want to play and work as more than a clean-cut, attractive type; I want to also pull off characters that are unattractive and edgily odd. (Tough call and going against my “type,” I know.)  My classmate, however, commented that today was so different than my normal put-together self that she could actually see me playing a “heroine addict” or something like that.  So, to me, in my vocational world of make-believe, that was a huge step and a “win.”

What’s my point?…there are times like today that letting go, looking stupid fearlessly, and what-the-f***-ing  is so worthwhile and quite a satisfying step forward!