I went kookoo

Today was my last day at Margie Haber’s ongoing for a few months.  I have a couple projects coming up and I needed some downtime to refocus and divert my energies…

I don’t know if it was my focus on quiet time in the morning where I just dwelled in a peaceful place until my heart was bubbling over with joy or if it was the month long juice fast (day 25 today) that has cleared out all sorts of thoughts and emotions, but I went kookoo in class!  And it was great! I was overjoyed that getting the words down was not a problem in terms of recollection, but even more so that I gave myself the freedom to just be waaaaaaaayyy out there and not limit myself in physicality or from weird behaviors. That is not my M.O. and has been super tough for me.  Just to illustrate– Margie made me shout in my first class with her, “F*** it” over and over and over (as previous acting coaches have before her to break me from my ingrained decorum.) Today was the day I did that…and gleefully.

What is remarkable is that the sour-puss self-critic did not surface… I was okay with it and still feel great about it!  Even after seeing on tape how awful being that unhinged and out there appeared, I was pleased with myself for not trying to be “perfect.”  I just wanted to see what un-composed and raw looked and felt like.  It was actually good for me to see what does not work in terms of bookability, but I also got something else accomplished by doing so.  You see, I want to play and work as more than a clean-cut, attractive type; I want to also pull off characters that are unattractive and edgily odd. (Tough call and going against my “type,” I know.)  My classmate, however, commented that today was so different than my normal put-together self that she could actually see me playing a “heroine addict” or something like that.  So, to me, in my vocational world of make-believe, that was a huge step and a “win.”

What’s my point?…there are times like today that letting go, looking stupid fearlessly, and what-the-f***-ing  is so worthwhile and quite a satisfying step forward!

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