WHERE ALL LITTLE THINGS ARE NOT.

Perhaps because I desire so deeply to cultivate it. Perhaps because I am awed by the intelligence of it. Certainly because I am meant to be in concert with it. Life. In its slowness and urgency, it may remain a quandry for those to won’t afford themselves the time. And even for those who yearn with all their getting to truly get the vastness of our interconnectedness, we only sip and taste, which spoils us for anything other than more of the potent truth of life that brings us to our most honest, raw selves. That I am sure it what we hunger for and need most.

So much seeking to burst through my wearied reservations, I needed to write down the wave of deep, gurgling-over thoughts and feelings, along with concerns and inspirations. Something happened in me after watching THE BIGGEST LITTLE FARM this weekend. Maybe it will for you. I hope my own rush of collected thoughts which I cannot quite adequately capture only salts your own need to try.

This documentary film following a couple who dares to fulfill their promises and enter into traditional farming practices against the prevailing tides of current practices and alluring economic drum-beaters somehow transcends touchpoints of tangibility and so breathes life into parched souls. Mine especially. All of us need a more untethered, unfettered flow of being in affirming syncopation with our design and purpose that is not self-made or solo-sourced. That’s hard to deal with for self-reliants like me.

On Apricot Lane Farms, neither the seemingly lowly aphid, nor fearsome creatures of prey …or even profitable produce take preeminence over other created beings…no, not even “pests” or unsellable plants. When finally loosing the bonds of uncompromising idealism or being humbled, then awakened enough to relinquish ego exalting control to “correct a problem,” a sacred expanse within humankind may very well finally be ready to receive pure gold into our innermost being. In unrelenting, uncontrollable, unforeseeable conditions, glories seem to have come in perfect time and only for the humbled. As this couple and farm community stepped back, as they said, and looked at the matters of troubles with an unprejudiced curiosity, a web of created wonders brought gifts of sublime purpose showing that there is no issue not already accounted for… and that all in the grand design can be brought into a disharmonious beauty meant to be just beyond our full grasp of comprehension. Only in that place of precious commonality, co-existing in gratitude with all other life on Planet Earth, will beauty become most full in us and around us. That is, as long as humanity’s hubris does not too far offset nature’s most remarkable mechanisms to heal and thrive.

This is why I need to watch The Biggest Little Farm again. This first time stirred embers long unstoked within me. Perhaps these are starting to catch wind and fire again knowing that my leading within weaves a web of life–for the arts, for stewarding all life and healing in congruity with my Maker’s heart, for fulfilling my own purpose and design.

JOY. MANIFOLD. EACH MORNING.

Because I was handmade. Because I was chosen to travel the wilderness. Because I am blessed to see the end of much as well as the victorious end of beginnings… I awaken to embrace just how thankful I am to be find an entire landscape of my life razed because a greater promise comes to be established upon a surer foundation within and around me.

Tearfully acknowledging there must be God-reasons so much of my life is starting again from ground zero… I am quickening in the realization that the most preeminent physician is presiding by my welcome and surrender. I am being intentionally broken in every physical and intangible place my Maker. I asked and wanted…and welcome more of this betterment process. Hurts everywhere but for better life later. So I give thanks for Resurrection more than ever as I continue to walk through humbling, resetting rehabilitation of my innermost being and physical one tooConsider how earthly doctors break to heal so that a ideal, proper human functionality can take hold and thrive by design. That has limits but THE I AM THAT I AM does not. In HIM, my potential is most capable of bearing full fruit. This excites and motivates me to see beyond the temporary to a profound, perfecting permanence. BEAUTY — BECAUSE BROKENNESS BRINGS LIGHT THROUGH.

I rejoice in this time of learning. I am blessed. I walk this way, never truly alone… unto greater promises through the pain which serves His purpose by my asking… BECAUSE I AM LOVED BY GOD. I am overwhelmed often in this meditative place before Him and burst forth into the unknown with JOY.

What a timely awakening for this RESURRECTION SUNDAY. Thank you ABBA YHWH for my YESHUA!

Until we meet again

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I celebrate his life and will never forget him.

We laid him to rest today after a life full of great overcoming. He was 72. I miss him, but am so grateful for the treasure he was to me on Earth and the eternally impactful gift he leaves me…answering my deepest relational query before my Maker.

I write this remembering my long visit recently with him in which I got to hold his stroke-withered hand, tell him how much I love him, how greatness reveals itself through him in the face of his most staggering heartbreaking journey. His response? Said with a quieter-than-normal Korean man’s grunt, “I have a lot more to work on on the inside.” My heart broke open more in the ensuing palpable silence and from that moment began this unexpected confluence of revelations.

I wrote this poem to describe my uncle:

LOVING WITH UTTERLY EVERYTHING

EXPECTING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

HOPING SOLELY, COMPLETELY ON THE LORD GOD ALONE

THIS IS FREEDOM AND HIS PEACE…HIS SHALOM

EXEMPLIFIED AND ONCE EMBODIED BY MY “SAMCHOON”—UNCLE SUNGJIN CHOI.

In the throes of final arrangements and interactions with family and his friends, I am hit more deeply and see more clearly the gift he truly was.

You see, I battled anger lately about how I come from a lineage and family that is so stubbornly, incomprehensibly self-sacrificing and given over serving others… as I had lingering thoughts that this may have further compromised uncle’s already hardship-wracked life and body. He could barely walk, yet he would load himself down with things others needed and delivered them on foot! That’s just one example.

I have seen too much (and too often) injustice; unfairness…things clearly “wrong” done towards those I love, including uncle. But then, in the time since his passing, my own angst and prayers were addressed. The answer from the quiet of His Spirit unlatched the prison encasing my hurting heart : real, eternally rooted love is unreasonable. And so, that’s why it is also hard to accept the endless, unfathomable, boundless, overcoming love of God, Agapeo, because it makes no sense to a finite human until the connection and flow from God is established and flourishes. It is still hard for our human hearts–oh, the deceitful beauty of humanity. But prioritizing this flow from heaven is essential in this life because it allows the liberty only eternal election can provide. For me, this means as much self-forgiveness as the forgiving of others. Still, it’s hard to quiet the wish I did more, with more care while uncle was still with me on Earth.

As the last human to see him and embrace him in this world, I am so unspeakably moved and grateful… I got to hug him and smother his chubby right cheek with kisses. For this, I am so joyful.

Pained with gratitude, I weep that I got to see how a human who seemed to “need” so much due to his disabilities and heartbreaks pursued and found true peace…showing me how to live with the love of God in Christ and reliant on that bountiful provision alone. He showed me how one’s true hope and expectation can be on the Heavenly Father with no other dependence to cause one’s soul and footing to waver too long. Because of my family’s faith and especially in this time, due to my uncle (and my mom whose heart bears her brother’s likeness,) the deepest relational puzzle has resolved for me. Having my heart ever full, and buoyant overflowing in God’s peace and love is indeed possible in the face of any painful situations with any other soul, including those in my innermost circle…for is it not when we are most vulnerable, the deepest soul wounds can happen? Yet, it requires brokenness to be made more whole than otherwise possible. The how of this is my own path with steps to discover, but I know that because my uncle proved it possible, it truly is for me, too.

Thank you God…Thank you Jesus for overcoming death, hell, and the grave and giving me real hope. I look forward to seeing my beloved uncle as he was first intended to thrive on the other side of eternity.

“My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.” Psalm 62:5

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walking and growing in faith…

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A gift from a friend to remember my uncle.

A gift from a friend to remember my uncle.

Oh, Our Soul… on Acting & Artistry

— “OH, OUR SOUL”

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(I am always so moved and filled to overflowing in being part of the rich artists’ community of BGB.)
These words just burst from me after a class working with fearless actors who help one another get free and have fun. So, I thought it was worth keeping and posting online to share as part of my celebration and gratitude for fellow artivists building such a sacred space.” See below…
—-
There are times I feel compelled and capture some fleeting words.  Wave after wave, the swells wouldn’t abate and so here they come for you and me…
After class, my heart-space panged against the limitations of my flesh as your faces and feelings ricocheted within riddling me with undulations of gripping and rending.  I’m sure that’s why we are human–because we are made most beautiful through bleakness and brokenness.
And it’s in figuring out how to live and show-up while in unspeakable pain that our otherwise divergent paths crossed enabling us to experience and elevate one another.  Who could have prescribed a better remedy for a weary and flat-lined soul than each and all of you?  To see and be…to be embraced… to feel so much — a jarring and delightful awakening.  I’m so privileged and grateful.
In each of you I see majesty, tenderness, ferocity and a can-do/must-do need to unleash the richness of yourself into this malnourished world.  Armed well through life’s chaos, loss, and seasons where celebration finds balance with purposeful suffering, our weapons of emotional warfare in this brilliant craft of acting finds its razored point unto breakthrough.  Therein and not beyond the maddening struggles and pain…there, will we all experience our greatest glory arise in strength, fervor, and clarity and we will all revel in that transformative, allowing emergence.
Fighting through and for a calling that only makes manifest sense to similarly crazed freedom fighters, our hunger to heal, urgency to connect, and the mandate within to imagine betterment sustains.  And yet, the brave pursuit crushes without discoveries of delicious uncensored truths … and destroys us if isolated and alone.
What a treasure it is that we don’t have to be so.  In pursuit of pure-honest-love, we war relentlessly and in due time, prevail.  And the victories are greater sweetly shared together.
Thank you for challenging me to weave deeply into this community, daring to believe that all is possible and real in our world of play.  In this place, I honor each of you and your commitment to thrive in the ways we are uniquely designed to powerfully and joyfully change our world.  And thank you for the lively black and white shot of me wrangling camera wires Casey !
Our class is remarkable.  We are SOULdiers!!! To me, BGB = Becoming.  Glorious.  Being…
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Broccoli and Acorn Squash Soup (V & GF)

 

20180119_215935.jpgINGREDIENTS:

-1 medium acorn squash baked for 40 minutes at 380 degrees.

-1 lb of broccoli –floret tops only– slice and use stems to eat dip with!

-1 small onion, diced

-3 Tablespoons of nutritional yeast (if needed, add salt and pepper to taste)

-4 garlic cloves, smashed

-garnishes of fresh herbs, olives, & sprouted pumpkin seeds

-splash of white wine (if you cook the soup to boiling and not leave partially raw)

WHAT TO DO:

1- Make your own scratch broth by putting celery, onion, ginger, bit of seasoning like salt and pepper, bay leaf, and white wine and then let slow cook at least 24 hours

2- Sautee onion and garlic

3- Put 2 cups of veggie broth into your power blender along with the broccoli florets (raw) and cooked squash you’ve scooped out and let blend until smooooooooth

4- Add sauteed veggies into blender and continue blending.

5- Pour into stovetop pot.

NOTE: My broth is intentionally spiced with overtones of ginger, so your broth flavor profile can reflect your taste inclinations!  If you want to sweeten this soup, add 1/2 small apple into the blender or add to the broth making process, but I enjoy savory for soups.  For more gusto, you can add pinches of fine red pepper and freshly ground pepper.  In my opinion, the salted pumpkin seeds that are sprouted and dehydrated make a huuuuge delicious difference 🙂

Using raw broccoli is intentional because it cooks slightly when warmed in the pot so you can have the best of both worlds… some raw benefits will linger while enjoying the comfort of slightly warmed soup.  Nutritional benefits do change by cooking.  Food for thought here: Broccoli both ways?

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POWERHOUSE PESTO–reinvented!

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An empowered take on a healthy classic, my version energizes this delicious condiment/sauce into a healing food. This is a vegan jubilee unless you add bee pollen for those added health benefits…it’s up to you!!!

20171112_184206.jpgINGREDIENTS: (all organic, favoring homegrown greens)

3 cups of Basil (used sweet Italian and Greek)

2 large garlic cloves minced

1/3 cup extra virgin cold-pressed (more if needed to food process smoothly)

1/4 cup raw, activated (if possible) apricot kernels

1/8 each activated (if possible) walnuts and pistachios

1 Tablespoon of Moringa Powder (Italian style)

few dashes of Himalayan pink salt (to taste)

splash of balsamic red wine vinegar

Option: Add pine nuts for more classic flavor by replacing above seeds and nuts and add 1 Tablespoon of local bee pollen. If thyroid support is your focus, substitute the pistachios with Brazil nuts since they are a good source for selenium.

Top with freshly ground black pepper.

What to do:

Put basil leaves, garlic, olive oil in food processor and keep going while adding all the other goodies until it becomes a rich thick paste or runnier with more olive oil or water as you prefer.

Mix it in to your raw veggie or kelp noodles or on spaghetti squash as pictured here… and top beautifully with more fresh, raw sustainably sourced produce.

It’s sooo rich in health values, it’s ridiculous that it can taste soo good and be versatile enough for anyone—carnivore or raw foodist. It is a super boost for anyone!

The Whys—Information to consider and explore as this world is full of natural health optimizing foods that is good to know about and try if you feel moved to!

Apricot Kernels for B-17 as a possible cancer fighter.

Walnuts and Pistachios for body soothing healthy fats.

Moringa powder for an array of goodness.                                                                                 (This is the brand I used, in case you would like to check them out: http://moringaforlife.com/)

Bee Pollen.

ENJOY this densely nutritious and tasty POWERHOUSE PESTO!

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CHICKEN BONE BROTH

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SOUP-ER GOOD!

Catching a cold or flu is no fun, but getting to enjoy rich, hearty soups can be a delight!  This 48-hour bone broth was prompted by a super special delivery from a most Fantastic-O…aka Omar, my fellow producer for The EATS Community.  He thoughtfully dropped off all the ingredients I needed to make this because I had the sniffles…Thanks Omar!

INGREDIENTS: Chicken (whole or pieces) with bone and skin on…pasture raised or organic only

3 average onions (halved)

1/2 bunch celery (rough chopped)

1 bunch carrots (peeled, chopped)

ginger  (peeled and smashed)

salt, pepper, and spices you like

bay leaves (2-3)

bok choy (1 bunch)

splash of white wine

honey is optional if the person you are serving has a really scratchy throat

extra veggies to put in at the end: more chopped celery and carrots, bok choy and julienned ginger with noodled carrots

WHAT TO DO:

Rinse chicken and fill large stockpot 3/4 full of filtered water

Peel, prep carrots, celery, onions, garlic, and ginger

Throw it all in pot with salt and bay leaves and simmer for 12 hours

Lift out all the veggies and chicken parts

Add splash of white wine and return chicken bones to simmer another 12 hours

Wait until broth is cool enough to strain through fine mesh

Taste and add your choices of seasoning as needed

Separate broth in to different pots to make varied soups, including classic chicken with veggie soup and east Asian inspired shiitake mushroom soup with noodled carrots, sliced green onions, sesame seeds, and red pepper flakes to garnish.

I froze several portions of both soups for gifting and to have on hand to cook with for the next dish.

Note:  I like to brew the heck out of the chicken to maximize the bone broth’S nutritive value.  After all, if an animal is going to help fuel me, I want to do it justice by making sure not to waste any part of it.  Also, you can brew much shorter than the 2 days I spent deepening the flavor and health profile of this broth, but please do not brew any less than 8 hours.  12 hours or brewing would be an good compromise.

ENJOY THE SOUP…and enjoy sharing 🙂