6. GRITTY DAY-TO-DAY TO-DOs with JOY! Resurrection Every Day!~

Cycles of life, death, and resurrection are ever-present in me and in all life. And in this I celebrate by giving fully of all of me while surrendering totally to the process designed by the One who made me and all of what we see and don’t. I have unwittingly come to know fear quite well and what it takes to face it and choose to trust that my fallings are not failings. Furthermore, I have come to know and trust and choose faith–that in My Abba Father’s hands and plans, my lows are prophetic toward the highs coming based on perseverent pursuits of the promises of goodness and triumph secured by Christ’s completed mission He has given to me continue. And so I shall, empowered by a greater love and life than I could with within me alone. It’s not a simple pat of “do it afraid”… to me, it’s more a matter of being more certain of the why I must rise again and again and in the process fear will flee from me.


Jesus’ complete mission, you ask? It’s his Resurrection Power I get to make real — something I meditate to take in as my own daily. In reflecting upon the magnitude of the eternity-changing-reality. my knees buckle with joy. It’s true. In the secret places I get to hang out with El Elyon The most High G-D, I am not only stilled silent, but sometimes get a giddy feel-good grace that effervesces throughly (not thorougly, but throughly.) I have grown to recognize that my trials and crises have not molded and defined me. Rather, in laying wide open to God’s guidance through the wilderness, His ever-present being and implanted identity in me through the seed of Christ has made me like Jesus and more like him in time and by joint intentionality.

Many have asked me why I just didn’t get “rid of the “problem” and use radiation or surgery. It was often not worth answering because no one knows clearer than the One who made me what the most urgent, life-threatening, or worst problem was in my life that a cancer diagnosis may just by sounding alarms to bring attention to. Besides, G-D is the best surgeon and I believed that He could resolve and/or remove any “problem” and leave the adjoining, healthy life to thrive. Only He could best divide as finely as between soul and spirit as well as between bone and marrow (Hebrews 4:12) and it is in that fine of a wisdom and discernment I wanted to rest to be restored. All in His Time. And I’m blessed to believe and receive the intangible and then palpable Spirit-kissed Resurrection this day and every day. And now, a present-look at a part of my healing journey not too far past.

When many of us get a diagnosis of some unwanted kind, like cancer, most of us, me, included, wanted an action plan to tackle and take down the offender. While I share in this blog entry the entirety of my bullet points of what I did on a day to day basis and how it changed every few weeks or months, it is not a whole picture, so it one that can be informative or paralyzing. It really depends on where you are at in helping yourself or a loved one heal… The most important thing I learned is to get grounded within and quiet enough to really hear. For me, I needed to hear the quiet leading of my God through it all and sometimes I did and other times my humanness in its fallibility and desperation overruled that essential and often elusive place and position of being God’s beloved one held in Shalom. Sometimes that uphill climb to the mountaintop is a long, windy one, but one step at a time, right? I hope the document included in this post offers some help to your healing. Thank God for grace; I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS!

The goal in the first wave of self-administered therapies and radical changes was to make cancer cells commit suicide (apoptosis) and reset the landscape of my entire body to make it hospitable for proper life to be able to grow and flourish making it uninhabitable for confused and unhealthy versions of cells.

The attached .PDF document gives you just the bare bones of the all-out war against and for the two sides of life in my physical body. It is a lot to take in as it was a lot to do, but the deeper, necessary work did not come until I realized it would not be by my striving or force of will through which I would heal, but accepting the process by which I must journey to allow what is good and only good to remain. Much of the early steps outlined that I took were superficial in that light, but necessary to begin the growth and self-maturation process with gusto and drive. With great determination comes greater disappointments…and the deepest reckonings necessary to progress. This journey…particularly fraught by this reality in its beginnings.

So, back to some nuts and bolts. You know now that a water fast was my 1st drastic decision, then going totally vegan, gluten-free, and eating only whole foods I could recognize from the good soil of our Earth… and then came a RAW FOOD only month to detox and reset my body even more. That was challenging, delicious, hellish, isolating, yet empowering… but since much of this journey is deliberate and by fully conscious choosing, setting up a reward system is quite valuable. I got child-like about it and was good to myself … I gave myself a happy-face each night for a day of raw food only eating. It made me feel good to see all the smiles as I stood strong each day knowing I was doing my body good. I still love seeing this pasted on the interior of a kitchen cabinet door.

I caution you, though, not to just study this attached document and replicate parts of it in a vacuum. There is no formula and a healing process is so personal, it is as inextricable as the very breath of God given each of us. So, as you peruse the .PDF document, you will find some added journaling to mark the milestone moments along the way… MAKE SURE YOU NOTICE THAT CHANGES MADE EVERY FEW WEEKS AND MONTHS AS IT WAS DIRECTED BY WHAT I INTUITIVELY FELT I NEEDED OR SPECIFICALLY WAS TOLD MY BODY NEED PER MY BIOCHEMIST’S BODY SYSTEM READINGS. All the choices are to support life and naturally. Remember that our bodies are always changing and need to be addressed as a dynamic organism …and with great care!

After writing about a few more major big deal action items that I felt I needed to incorporate, I’ll begin to share why I went to a clinic in Mexico #HOPE4CANCERCANCUN to get holistic treatments and additional help… I committed to a larger facility for help even after some tests from a biochemist showed I no longer had malignancy readings on his tests. Lots of reasons for that.

Hope this nitty gritty daily list (of lists) of my round-the-clock healing regimens offers some direction and understanding that this approach of allowing one’s body to heal while disabled mechanisms that fuel chronic disease takes a willingness to change everything radically and never look back–no matter how long it takes.

JOY. MANIFOLD. EACH MORNING.

Because I was handmade. Because I was chosen to travel the wilderness. Because I am blessed to see the end of much as well as the victorious end of beginnings… I awaken to embrace just how thankful I am to be find an entire landscape of my life razed because a greater promise comes to be established upon a surer foundation within and around me.

Tearfully acknowledging there must be God-reasons so much of my life is starting again from ground zero‚Ķ I am quickening in the realization that the most preeminent physician is presiding by my welcome and surrender. I am being intentionally broken in every physical and intangible place my Maker. I asked and wanted…and welcome more of this betterment process. Hurts everywhere but for better life later. So I give thanks for Resurrection more than ever as I continue to walk through humbling, resetting rehabilitation of my innermost being and physical one too‚Ķ Consider how earthly doctors break to heal so that a ideal, proper human functionality can take hold and thrive by design. That has limits but THE I AM THAT I AM does not. In HIM, my potential is most capable of bearing full fruit. This excites and motivates me to see beyond the temporary to a profound, perfecting permanence. BEAUTY — BECAUSE BROKENNESS BRINGS LIGHT THROUGH.

I rejoice in this time of learning. I am blessed. I walk this way, never truly alone… unto greater promises through the pain which serves His purpose by my asking… BECAUSE I AM LOVED BY GOD. I am overwhelmed often in this meditative place before Him and burst forth into the unknown with JOY.

What a timely awakening for this RESURRECTION SUNDAY. Thank you ABBA YHWH for my YESHUA!

ON DAY 31…A MEAL MOST UNCOMMON

Happy Easter this Resurrection weekend…! ¬†¬†Do you ever experience something or have feelings you could have others feel for themselves? ¬†I feel that way most acutely this day… my juice fast of 30 days is now broken…and I am free…

As I sat dwelling upon the past month of discoveries and revelations ushered in by a most loving Heavenly Father, I am humbled joyful and amazed. ¬†I learned how much He cares about me, how every step I take and hope to make He has already ¬†thought about and offers to lead me the best way, even showing me during this fast where my body was in need nutritionally through dreams in the night. ¬†Remarkable. ¬†This juicing journey was a deliberate fast undertaken to break bonds that tied me to a comfortability in habits and routines that serve nothing but gluttony and self-consciousness. ¬† Thus, it was not always easy, but the release from them and unto greater liberty is incomparable to the discomfort–not even worth a categorical mention. ¬†The simplest profundity in all of this is truly embracing OH, HOW LITTLE I TRULY NEED … AND THAT IN WALKING WITH HIM, I AM FULLY SATISFIED… in every way.

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After a predawn quiet-time, I shared my first meal with the One who led me through the past month. ¬†Grateful, confidant, hopeful, more fearless than I have been in after many years of great trials and illness, I sat pondering about His goodness, might, mercy, and promises and we broke bread. ¬†The, scored, toasted/burnt, unleavened kind–matzo symbolic of Jesus’ stripes with berry juice in lieu of wine. ¬†This is the greatest blessing of all… the promise of peace offered, the wholeness left up to me to accept. This communion alone with Him was different–more special somehow in that it was the first food I had in a while that was sheerly for spiritual nourishment and in being able to really hone in on what this “bread” symbolized, it was a really a beautiful partaking. ¬†A meal most uncommon as mentioned above. ¬†I cherished ¬†honoring Christ’s finished work as the “substance” lamb who is the passover-everlasting.¬†As is my right as a child of G-d, I received wholeheartedly the infusion of the incorruptible life of Yeshua in me!

As I pondered how the blood in the heart of my Jesus drained out, I understood how he literally poured out his heart, his thoughts, his very soul into mine so that through his love, I can be and am as he is now–in glorious victory and triumph over all oppressiveness. ¬†I am free…free…free indeed! ¬†AM I; IS MY FAITH EXTREME? ¬†YES… AND I AM EXTREMELY BLESSED!

In brief, my physical body feels stronger– I am lighter upon my feet, feeling more energetic, thinking more clearly…I even had the lightest p.m.s. and menstrual cycle in years with no pain or cramping. ¬†Yes, I have lost a couple pounds, so not much at all really. ¬†One might expect more, but all the essential fatty acids I took in kept my body in a healthy balance. ¬†Plus, weight loss was NOT the point, nor objective–I had faith that what my body needed to reboot and heal would be facilitated during the process. ¬†Just the bodily changes listed above testifies to that, but the emotional and mental clarity, soundness, and buoyant optimism outweighs the measurable, physical benefits… ¬†Even my marriage has gone through a surprising distillation process, a purging of sorts…we feel relationally renewed and free to love unhindered and wiser in our togetherness.

Then, of course, is the spiritual growth. ¬†How do I even begin? ¬† ¬†Hearing my Father’s whispers and seeing what He needs me to know…prayers for loved ones answered, shackles broken off of my beloved friends and family evidenced by breakthrough jobs, financial assistance, and priceless hope… how do I even begin to count the ways and the blessings that have invaded my world? ¬†I cannot … so I urge you to find the journey you are to take into a deeper oneness with the One who created all and is my all in all.

As I try to remember this, I share something I have just realized myself… that God and His supernaturalness does not necessitate any dramatic fashions, but is most often purely simple and so truly sweet.

With ALL MY HEART AND SOUL… May GOD bless YOU!!!!