WHERE ALL LITTLE THINGS ARE NOT.

Perhaps because I desire so deeply to cultivate it. Perhaps because I am awed by the intelligence of it. Certainly because I am meant to be in concert with it. Life. In its slowness and urgency, it may remain a quandry for those to won’t afford themselves the time. And even for those who yearn with all their getting to truly get the vastness of our interconnectedness, we only sip and taste, which spoils us for anything other than more of the potent truth of life that brings us to our most honest, raw selves. That I am sure it what we hunger for and need most.

So much seeking to burst through my wearied reservations, I needed to write down the wave of deep, gurgling-over thoughts and feelings, along with concerns and inspirations. Something happened in me after watching THE BIGGEST LITTLE FARM this weekend. Maybe it will for you. I hope my own rush of collected thoughts which I cannot quite adequately capture only salts your own need to try.

This documentary film following a couple who dares to fulfill their promises and enter into traditional farming practices against the prevailing tides of current practices and alluring economic drum-beaters somehow transcends touchpoints of tangibility and so breathes life into parched souls. Mine especially. All of us need a more untethered, unfettered flow of being in affirming syncopation with our design and purpose that is not self-made or solo-sourced. That’s hard to deal with for self-reliants like me.

On Apricot Lane Farms, neither the seemingly lowly aphid, nor fearsome creatures of prey …or even profitable produce take preeminence over other created beings…no, not even “pests” or unsellable plants. When finally loosing the bonds of uncompromising idealism or being humbled, then awakened enough to relinquish ego exalting control to “correct a problem,” a sacred expanse within humankind may very well finally be ready to receive pure gold into our innermost being. In unrelenting, uncontrollable, unforeseeable conditions, glories seem to have come in perfect time and only for the humbled. As this couple and farm community stepped back, as they said, and looked at the matters of troubles with an unprejudiced curiosity, a web of created wonders brought gifts of sublime purpose showing that there is no issue not already accounted for… and that all in the grand design can be brought into a disharmonious beauty meant to be just beyond our full grasp of comprehension. Only in that place of precious commonality, co-existing in gratitude with all other life on Planet Earth, will beauty become most full in us and around us. That is, as long as humanity’s hubris does not too far offset nature’s most remarkable mechanisms to heal and thrive.

This is why I need to watch The Biggest Little Farm again. This first time stirred embers long unstoked within me. Perhaps these are starting to catch wind and fire again knowing that my leading within weaves a web of life–for the arts, for stewarding all life and healing in congruity with my Maker’s heart, for fulfilling my own purpose and design.

Any time is right for LEMON-y LOVE with Jane’s Paleo lemon loaf!

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NO JOKE… THIS WAS A HIT ON ONE OF MY FILM SETS THIS YEAR AS I LIKE TO BAKE FOR MY FELLOW CAST AND CREW FAMILY. I believe every set should have healthy options for everyone that taste super!!!

And this recipe can be made into beautiful little cakes, too!

wp-1474488710335.jpgSee end of this post for the fancy cake version 🙂

Ingredients:

1 ¾ cup cashew flour

¼ cup arrowroot powder

1 ½ teaspoon baking powder

1 ½ teaspoon baking soda

½ teaspoon sea salt

3 large organic eggs

1/3 cup melted coconut oil

¼ cup honey (or 1/2 cup Monkfruit powder)

½ cup freshly pressed lemon juice (this is essential that is freshly squeezed!)

zest of 4 lemons—don’t skimp on this!

1/3 cup nondairy milk of choice. I use almond

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Magic drizzle

1 tablespoon honey

1 tablespoon almond mylk

½ teaspoon vanilla bean extract

2 tablespoons coconut butter

½ heaping tablespoon of coconut oil

¼ cup of unsweetened shredded coconut (can opt for lighter in fat version)

What to do:

-Set oven to 370 to warm up as you prep rest

-Grease up the inside of your loaf pan, preferably silicon one recycled cardboard

-Combine all the dry ingredients (flours, baking powder & soda, salt)

-Whisk up eggs, coconut oil, honey, lemon juice, zest, and almond mylk

-Combine wet with dry ingredients

-Pour in pan and bake about 45 minutes until edges welcome you by browning

-Check to see if the inside is set by poking with a chopstick or similar

-If it’s not ready and set enough in the middle, cover with foil and leave another 5 minutes

-Take out of oven and let set in pan until cooled.

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-Combine all warmed and softened ingredients in small bowl

-wait until thick enough to drizzle and spread on top of bread that is cooled

-press in the coconut shreds to fully set the frosting onto the bread…

-leave in fridge until ready to eat.

Slice up and devour… but share, too!. .. It’s okay to drool… this is a decadently fresh bit of baking goodness!

For more delightfully delicious, sustainable, and good for you delights, follow my other passion project http://www.EATScommunity.org … and find the community on social media @EATScommunity !  Thank you 🙂

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FANCY CAKE VERSION: 

Put your batter into a mold you choose (silicone molds are easy to work with!)

After baking, cooling, and popping them out of the molds, be ready to add the yummy decorative frosting!  To make it more solid than the version for the loaf, add more coconut manna than the other ingredients.

1/3 cup Coconut manna

1/8 cup coconut oil

1/4 cup honey

1 Tablespoon lemon zest

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Melt all in a double boiler and mix together… let cool slightly to frost decoratively. Should be thick substantive when mixed but soft enough to be moldable.

Mash up fresh berries with drizzle of lemon juice and monkfruit granules if you want it sweeter.

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Top the cake with scoop of favorite frozen dessert.  I love coconut mylk icecream!

Enjoy 🙂

 

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Learned about myself in film

Halfway through this shoot and just after an intense shot, I learned a bit about my actor-self. To an actor fully invested in bringing a role and the person on the pages of a dramatic screenplay to real life, being called a “ham” can be hurtful and rather offensive. ..

I believe that is the stark contrast between the performing as the character versus “living the life” of the person…as Marie Haber would say.  I found myself taken aback when being a “ham” was intended as a compliment. .. but realize this is a just part of the biz. Everyone has their own perceptions of what it means to be in the “industry” and particularly on camera.  

Long story and realizations made succinct…at the end of any film,  completely offering my consummate honesty and passion in every moment is my sole intent.  Achieving that purely is the inner affirmation I truly desire…

May God guide my work in His fullness and truth and cover me with “movie magic” when I may need.

I love my profession! … and count every part of this deepening, learning process a blessing and joy! And am so thankful to have been cast opposite an incredibly full-souled male lead…Brett Rice!
😉

Bridging the gap

In learning a skill, there is a great divide of humility needed to go from what you thought it would take to what it actually requires to learn it. How proper that the more you learn, the more you learn how much more you need to… keep learning. There is a beauty, a discipline, and masterful psychology to pool I have barely begun to understand… God, grant me mercy and grace-filled inspiration on this feature production! Who says acting is easy?! …

NO investment=no LOSS=most certainly NOTHING GAINED.

I had a lesson after the full day was done.

Protect your “wins” from the corrosive onslaught of growing pains and temporal losses.

I had a fabulous several weeks of in-class growth and successes in preparing and offering my interpretation of life in Margie Haber’s ongoing master classes…. This came after an unexpected jolt to my pride when in one class a month ago in which my prized performance was not recorded and that disappointment crushed me.  WHY?  It was the first time in a long while I felt the infusion of more-than-aliveness… a surreal sense of movement and simply being with fullness and an otherworldly ease.  It was “lightning in a bottle” so the coach said.  Just to see it for myself, I was anxious for the playback.  There was to be no such thing… and through that childish need to see proof came my innermost widening through a so-called failing.   Here’s what I shared with a classmate who expressed his sympathy for the technical glitch:

“Today’s “botched” exercise really was the first time in a long while I felt I let go and had a real-life-slice along with some genuine fun. I felt the fullness and high of the experience, but it was accidentally not recorded so I could not “see” it.  Bummed at first, I settled with it and figured all things work toward my good…and that very alive, fleeting bliss was perhaps just-for-me to realize I am still capable of it.  …and in trying to recreate that bit of bliss in round two, I learned that anything really true and beautiful cannot be duplicated and any attempt to re-manufacture it may only cheapen a sacred gift and lesson of living. So, what could have just been a one-dimensional “win” became a multifaceted, multipurposed occasion for growth. All things turned for my good, indeed…”

Then…I was asked to do it again… didn’t want to, but it was good discipline in facing the contrast between just good and the previous very-alive-ness this version sorely missed.  Alas, intangible things can be so maddening.  The secondary lesson that is continuing to free me?  To forgive myself for my perceived failings seen on camera—the replay only makes that need an absolute must-do. This also helped me to take another stomp on my quibbling fear of success and failure.

Now, back to my good today in class… allowing the good time in class to settle in my psyche INSTEAD of seeking out what to fix what was sub-par, I relished the bit of luxury self-forgiveness afforded.  In no time at all, however, I heard feedback from jobs I did not book– I was good and prepared, but not quite “it.”  Then my thoughts of the finesse I am trying to develop between being “myself” and being the “idea” of the “role” is less than kind…while I am more open and available as myself in auditions, the counter feedback I am getting is that I need to be tougher and edgier… I am seen as just too nice.  I am not a mean person, but I have proven I can wield the dangerous sword of tough and powerfully in control…hmmm.  This is an ongoing quandary for me…and one I may only find with more time, discipline, and facing situations that continue to deepen me so that I can climb to greater heights. My upcoming film called Scream at the Devil should help squelch the perception that I am limited by “nice.” Muahahahhahaha…..