be FIERCE; be I…

be FIERCE; be INTENTIONAL… fiercely intentional–on a mission as Jesus was and remains.

I am so inspired and impassioned by the historical, spiritual, and personal context laid out in this book that rights the incorrect impressions of Jesus as an out of touch, ethereal, pacifist…and lays out a life that began with genocide as a backdrop and continues as glorious march into battle after battle as gruesome as death can muster.  And Jesus prevails for us.

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WRAPPED–blissfully stunned …wonderfully devasted

Without revealing more than I should, I can briefly sum up the story in my most recent film from my role’s perspective as such : a journey deep into the heart of a hurting mom, a sports professional, and a woman becoming…arising again into strength after intense brokenness… all this happening alongside and facilitated by a fellow wounded soul…to grow together beyond the devastation, experience the bonding struggles, and share the elation of achievement and hopes fulfilled. Gritty yet uplifting!

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The journey shapes the traveler and through these last 5 weeks, I have been absolutely transformed by intangible subtleties and power… proving to my uncertain heart and to others that NOTHING shall be impossible WITH God! The momentous miracles I cannot begin to express without giving away too much info most certainly came from heavenly help… wow…tearfully, joyfully wowed. Now, I cannot wait to see this project on the big screen. And I usually disdain watching my work…but in this case, I want to view the magic from a different vantage point. However, nothing can compare to the in the moment; in my body manifestation of miracles accomplished in the pressurized and limited number of takes and time. Not just once, but over and over…all captured on film. I can scarcely believe it myself. All I know is that these in-spirit-actions were graced through my very strokes when needed every time because my prayer was that God guide my work in His truth… and the story could not have been fully true without these innumerable acts of jawdropping intervention.

I hate that I have to be so vague…but you will understand when you see it all unfold onscreen! God has never felt as close and practically palpable as the last few days of this shoot…and the blessings continue!

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Some team members gifted me a few items that I truly love! Producer Randy Dyer gave me the backing of my chair–super cool momento! My leading man Brett Rice gave me a teddy bear that has sweet inside meaning and my dear “coach” Wayne Catledge shared a book called Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldredge that underscores and furthers my intentions made during this trip.. to grow into the heart of God and to know Christ in ways I have not yet. Plus a lovely mentor Marge Suidak gifted me a devotional called Abba Calling which also fuels my journey deeper within… I am sooo incredibly blessed I cannot contain my elation!

Here’s a quote from the first chapter of Beautiful Outlaw that left me stilled by the poignant reminder and so blissfully stunned:

“The records of Christ are written so you can experience him as they did, this intimate connection with the Father and the Son. John says that you can enjoy the same friendship with Jesus that he knew. For this Jesus came.
So if you do not know Jesus as a person, know his remarkable personality–playful cunning, fierce, impatient with all that is religious, kind, creative, irreverent, funny– you have been cheated.
If you do not experience Jesus intimately, daily, in these very ways, if you do not know the comfort of this actual presence, do not hear his voice speaking to you personally–you have been robbed.
If you do not know the power of his indwelling life in you, shaping your personality, healing your brokeness, enabling you to live as he did– you have been plundered.
This is why we pray,

Jesus, show me who you really are. I pray for the true you. I want the real you. I ask for you. Spirit of God, free me in every way to know Jesus as he really is. Open my eyes to see him. Deliver me form everything false about Jesus and bring me what is true.”

AMEN AND AMEN!

Today I pack my monstrous luggage to leave for home tomorrow…but my home has been where the heart of God has reached mine… I am utterly, wonderfully devastated by His love.

This song really buttoned up my experience the final week of the shoot:
This song is called TELL YOUR HEART TO BREATHE AGAIN…
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Learned about myself in film

Halfway through this shoot and just after an intense shot, I learned a bit about my actor-self. To an actor fully invested in bringing a role and the person on the pages of a dramatic screenplay to real life, being called a “ham” can be hurtful and rather offensive. ..

I believe that is the stark contrast between the performing as the character versus “living the life” of the person…as Marie Haber would say.  I found myself taken aback when being a “ham” was intended as a compliment. .. but realize this is a just part of the biz. Everyone has their own perceptions of what it means to be in the “industry” and particularly on camera.  

Long story and realizations made succinct…at the end of any film,  completely offering my consummate honesty and passion in every moment is my sole intent.  Achieving that purely is the inner affirmation I truly desire…

May God guide my work in His fullness and truth and cover me with “movie magic” when I may need.

I love my profession! … and count every part of this deepening, learning process a blessing and joy! And am so thankful to have been cast opposite an incredibly full-souled male lead…Brett Rice!
😉